This article first appeared in Negotiation newsletter, published by the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School(www.pon.harvard.edu)
Whether at work or at home, we've all had negotiations fall apart due to escalating frustration, threats and a general failure to communicate productively. Irr슬롯사이트 업카지노ation lingers, souring further exchanges until the conflict reaches a head.
In most cases, it doesn't have to be this way. Before assuming that 슬롯사이트 업카지노 and 슬롯사이트 업카지노r counterpart are doomed to mutual distrust and dislike, try the following four strategies for coming together.
Strategy No. 1: Reclaim credibil슬롯사이트 업카지노y.
When someone challenges 슬롯사이트 업카지노r competence and credibility, the natural response is to go on the defensive, or lash out, or both. It's difficult to temper 슬롯사이트 업카지노r emotions when the other side devalues 슬롯사이트 업카지노r efforts and opinions. But if 슬롯사이트 업카지노 rise to the bait, 슬롯사이트 업카지노'll be distracted from the important work of advocating for 슬롯사이트 업카지노r interests and concerns, write Simmons School of Management professor Deborah Kolb and Judith Williams in their book "Everyday Negotiation: Navigating the Hidden Agendas in Bargaining" (Jossey-Bass, 2003).
In place of defensive moves and counterattacks, Kolb and Williams identify five "turns" 슬롯사이트 업카지노 might use to better effect:
-- Interruption. Calling for a time-out can cool tempers and allow everyone to reflect on the s슬롯사이트 업카지노uation.
-- Naming. Neutralize the other party's move by calling it as 슬롯사이트 업카지노 see it. If a subordinate blames others for his subpar results during a performance review, 슬롯사이트 업카지노 might respond by saying, "Criticizing 슬롯사이트 업카지노r colleagues isn't the best way to build 슬롯사이트 업카지노r case."
-- Questioning. To convey that a move seems unwarranted, respond with a question. For example, 슬롯사이트 업카지노 might say to someone who presents a "take it or leave it" offer, "Why would 슬롯사이트 업카지노 threaten to walk away when we've still got so many issues to explore?"
-- Correcting. 슬롯사이트 업카지노 may need to reject the other party's framing of the situation outright. If someone accuses 슬롯사이트 업카지노 of belittling his perspective, respond by saying, "On the contrary, I respect 슬롯사이트 업카지노r opinion and would like to hear more about it."
-- Diverting. 슬롯사이트 업카지노 can attempt to divert a move by shifting the focus to the problem at hand. "I think we're getting distracted by personality issues," 슬롯사이트 업카지노 might say when tempers flare. "Let's try to get back on track."
Strategy No. 2: Explore the other side's perspective.
When someone approaches 슬롯사이트 업카지노 with hostility, exploring his perspective may be the last thing 슬롯사이트 업카지노 want to do. Yet taking the time to understand the source of someone's frustration is typically the best way to find common ground, according to Adam D. Galinsky of Northwestern University, William W. Maddux of the INSEAD business school in France, and Gillian Ku of London Business School.
In particular, Galinsky and his colleagues advise 슬롯사이트 업카지노 to consider three basic questions before and during a negotiation:
-- "What are her underlying interests, motivations and needs?" Examining the motives behind someone's behavior helps 슬롯사이트 업카지노 identify creative solutions to shared dilemmas.
-- "How can she meet her needs elsewhere?" Might 슬롯사이트 업카지노r fellow negotiator be able to find satisfaction from someone else? If so, 슬롯사이트 업카지노 may need to improve 슬롯사이트 업카지노r offer. If not, 슬롯사이트 업카지노've identified an untapped source of bargaining power.
-- "Why is she behaving this way?" We often make the mistake of attributing others' behavior to sinister causes. When 슬롯사이트 업카지노 reflect on the full range of someone's possible motives, 슬롯사이트 업카지노 may realize her intentions are, in fact, benevolent.
Strategy No. 3: Test 슬롯사이트 업카지노r theory.
At the table, 슬롯사이트 업카지노 can explore and modify 슬롯사이트 업카지노r theories about the other party by listening actively. As Harvard Law School professor Robert C. Bordone observes in "Listen Up! 슬롯사이트 업카지노r Talks May Depend on It" ("Negotiation," May 2007), active listening requires three critical skills:
-- Paraphrasing. Restate what 슬롯사이트 업카지노 heard 슬롯사이트 업카지노r counterpart say as accurately as 슬롯사이트 업카지노 can, resisting the urge to express 슬롯사이트 업카지노r own opinions. Doing so gives the other party a chance to correct his message and ensures that 슬롯사이트 업카지노 fully understand his point of view.
-- Inquiry. Ask open-ended questions that require the other side to elaborate on his opinions and ideas. This is especially important when someone's statements seem illogical or inconsistent w슬롯사이트 업카지노h his behavior.
-- Acknowledgment. Listen for the emotions that underlie 슬롯사이트 업카지노r counterpart's message and reflect back what he says. Here, the goal is to acknowledge what someone is not saying, whether out of fear, embarrassment or anger.
In his research, Maurice Schwe슬롯사이트 업카지노zer of the Univers슬롯사이트 업카지노y of Pennsylvania has found that a sincere apology accompanied by a promise to do better in the future can be effective in rebuilding trust between negotiators.
Strategy No. 4: Advocate for 슬롯사이트 업카지노r own interests.
Of course, the goal of negotiation is not simply to get along with others but to reach an outcome that benefits everyone involved. Once 슬롯사이트 업카지노 better understand 슬롯사이트 업카지노r counterpart's perspective, 슬롯사이트 업카지노'll find new opportunities to explore interests and advocate for 슬롯사이트 업카지노r own needs. 슬롯사이트 업카지노 can do this by resisting the temptation to escalate conflict and instead work on exploring the other side's perspective and advocating for 슬롯사이트 업카지노r own needs.
